Scripture lesson: II Samuel 1:1, 17-27
The Second Book of Samuel begins with David learning of the death of his best friend Jonathan, and also King Saul, his biggest rival. David is devastated. Jonathan was closer than a brother to him. After an unfortunate turn of events in 2 Samuel 1:2-16, David gives a dirge to be recorded in The Book of the Jashar (translated The Book of the Right).
A good dirge is good for the soul. It is usually poetic and mournful, capturing the depths of loss. Dirges belong at times of public grieving. It lets everyone know “Now is the time to be sad and wear sad clothes and have sad conversations.” Sad. Sad. Sad. If a dirge was a food, it would surely be a casserole that you took to someone’s house after they had lost a member of their family. Those casseroles tell people that you love them and that you are sad with them, and they make life a little easier because no one has to plan meals.
The casserole receiving chapter, like the chapter in which a dirge is played to remember the dead, is a passing season. We cannot live there forever because there is still life left to be lived. Eventually friends drop by less often, call less often, cook for you less often. But what about the grief that follows? Long after the last casserole is eaten, and when no one can remember what hymns were sung at a person’s funeral, grief persists. It is not a step-by-step process by which one goes from “grief” to “no grief.” Grief is like getting a new roommate. At first you notice them all the time because they disrupt your life, and you see them everywhere. Grief is the kind of roommate that leaves their shoes in the middle of the living room, so even when Grief is off in some other room, little reminders remain. Then, over time, as you and Grief get to know one another, you learn to live with Grief. Grief is still there, but now you live with each other more comfortably.
Depending on how well you know a person and how close you were, grief can take various forms for up to a decade or so. Others experience deep grief on a much shorter basis. Your grieving style and the length of time to grieve is your journey. Each path is different, and the length and depth of your grief (or lack thereof) is not a reflection on the quality of your love. Sometimes Grief is complicated because your relationship with the one you lost is complicated. In the Song of the Bow, David also grieves for Saul, who had tried to kill David several times! Grief is whatever you, your heart, mind, sub-conscious, and your soul needs.
David grieved over Jonathan and Saul and made sure that his grief was public and permanent. We have just as much record of David’s grief as we do the time he killed a giant with a slingshot. But we do not talk about it as much. We leave 2 Samuel 1 on the cutting room floor of our devotionals and Bible studies because grief is such a hard topic. The world moves on, even while the bereaved continue their cohabitation with Grief. If you ever find yourself sitting with your Grief, and it turns out to be the roommate from hell, be sure and reach out to a friend. Pray. Do not try to do it by yourself. Friends will be glad to receive you. They just need the invitation.
Over time, Grief can be transformed and find itself unwinding, like when you get home from work at the end of the day. And, once Grief gets unwound, and you, by the strength of God and friends become strong enough to face your inconsiderate roommate, you may find that Grief looks a good bit like your old friend Love, but just very upset because Love just does not have the same places to go as it used to. Grief unwound is not denial or finality. Grief unwound is healing into living more fully, even if you have an extra roommate now.
Grace and Peace,
Rob
